Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Zombies???

Well, here's a little thing that has had me up in arms lately: Virgin Media's Top Zombie Films of All Time.

That's Virgin Media's top zombie movies of all time. Don't let the URL of the article fool you, it's not a top 10, it's a top 13. Now, I have to admit, it's got some good movies on there. Then why am I up in arms? Because some of them aren't zombie movies! I'm going to clear this up for you if you don't know what I'm talking about: zombies have to die and come back to life to be undead. Which means that a person must become infected, die, and come back to life in order to be a zombie (or be dead already and return). Just becoming a monster because you are infected does not a zombie make. You must die first because zombies are undead. That will come into play later in the article. So, let's get into it, shall we?

Army of Darkness: Not a zombie movie. The enemies are deadites, which are people possessed by evil spirits, not people brought back from the dead. I guess the skeletons are similar to zombies because they are back from the dead, but skeletons and zombies are two very different things. Plus walking skeletons? That's ludicrous! That could never really happen like a zombie attack could.

Black Sheep: No, not the Chris Farley/David Spade comedy, this movie. It's a great New Zealand horror flick about sheep that turn carnivorous and start killing people. Oh, and if they bite you, you turn into a were-sheep (like a werewolf, but, well, you get the picture). Now, what about that sounds like a zombie flick to you? It's a twist on the werewolf flick, but that's hardly a zombie film. Two films on the list, two that aren't zombie films. Both good, don't get me wrong, but still not zombies.

Zombie Strippers: Well, as the name would imply, this one is about zombies. That strip. I don't have a problem with this one besides the fact I wouldn't include it on my top ten zombie movies of all time. But it has zombies at least.

I Am Legend: I don't know what pisses me off about this selection: the fact that movie kinda sucked, the fact that they weren't zombies, or the fact that they were supposed to be intelligent, vampire-like creatures (a la the book). My problems with this movie aside (I wish they would have kept the original ending), it features no zombies. Things that can't go into the light and get burned when they do so are what again? Vampires, not zombies.

Braindead (aka Dead Alive): Ahhh, something I can agree with. Not only is this a zombie movie (the infected people have to die first, then come back to life), but it would more than likely make it on my top ten. A great low budget horror flick from Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson.

Diary of the Dead: Well, it's a zombie flick. It's a fucking terrible zombie flick, but at least it's a zombie flick.

Resident Evil: Also a zombie flick. Not a great one, but it might get on my top ten on the right day. It's kind of fun to watch Milla Jovovich kick some undead ass. Too bad both sequels sucked hard.

28 Days Later: I'm only going to say this once: THIS IS NOT A ZOMBIE FILM! The infected people in this movie don't die and come back, they just get infected by a disease. I love this film and will rate it highly forever, but it's just not a zombie film. For some intents and purposes I will lump it in with zombie flicks (it is similar and gets it's roots from zombie films, no doubt about that), but the way I like my zombie films, it just can't be qualified. I will grant this one some leniency because it's nitpicky, but I still strike it against this list.

Dawn of the Dead (remake): Yup, it's a zombie film. But the remake? Really? I like this movie as much as the next guy (in fact, I've often said if pressured, I would probably choose this over the original, but barely), but if I do a top zombie films of all time list, the original gets top billing. It's just more revolutionary and more of a pillar amongst zombie films. I would be okay with this choice if it were on the list with the original as well.

Shaun of the Dead: Easily in my top 5 movies of all time, let alone zombie movies. Well done Virgin, another one I can agree with across the board.

An American Werewolf in London: Are you fucking serious? It says "werewolf" in the goddamn title! Jesus Christ! IT'S NOT A FUCKING ZOMBIE MOVIE!

Night of the Living Dead (original): I'm surprised they got this one right. But where's the remake? That was good too!

The Omega Man: For those of you who don't know, this is the second time a studio tried to make "I Am Legend", this time with Charlton Heston. I Am Legend was the third attempt, the first was The Last Man on Earth with Vincent Price. They even put "zombies" in quotes in the article. That's probably a pretty good sign it doesn't belong on the list then.

Wow, what a piece of shit list. Six of the thirteen movies listed aren't actually zombie movies. And in the URL of the piece you say it's a top ten, but there are thirteen movies. Just brilliant.

4 comments:

  1. Jesus, that's one dumb fucking list, I have to agree. Still, I agree with you on nearly all your oassessments, so that's good at least! Good luck with the blog; if it carries on like this, we're in for some good readin'.

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  2. Hey there! I followed a link from Freddy in Space to here. Nice to meet another begining horror blogger!
    I will have to agree and say this list is ...well...Blull shit. Halve the movies on there aren't even zombie movies. Don't get me wrong, I loved Black sheep, but there were no friggin zombies in it! If they wanted an Aussie flick they should have chose the really fun and hilarious Undead. GREAT zombie flick.
    Oh and I agree, Diary of the Dead sucked.

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  3. What a stupid "top zombies" list. I start to read the list and I was smiling, but when I get to "American Werewolf"..... c'mon, donte det angry, a really stupid list that made me laugh!!!

    I saw Diary of the dead, but I barely remember the scenes.... not a goos sign, right?

    Nice blog, going to mi fav........

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  4. I sent you a correction to consider on facebook... thinking back, I didn't explain what it was correcting! Now you know.

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