Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Well, I have been a little lax in my updating this week, but that's because I am getting ready to fly across various landmasses and oceans to go visit my girlfriend in Japan! I haven't seen her in 8 months (she's teaching Engrish over there), so it should be a good time. But, in honor of me going to Japan, I am going to do a list of things I fully expect to happen to me while over there according to J-horror.

I expect to piss off a spirit and have it stalk me: From what I can tell, you basically have to mildly offend a Japanese and it will try to enact vengeance upon you endlessly. And considering my girlfriend has informed me that sneezing in public is considered rude, I don't think it will take much to get a renegade spirit all over my tall, foreign ass. Speaking of being tall...

(Striking similarity, eh?)

At some point, I will be mistaken for Godzilla: I've see so many scenes in Japanese (specifically Godzilla) movies where they look up, point towards the sky, and shout "Godzirra!", that I'm almost sure that the 6'3" American will freak them out. I also figure they will yell because I will probably be destroying some tall structure while roaring (probably trying to hold back a sneeze).

I am going to say the phrase "Japanese people are fucked up" even more than I do now: In a land where you can buy panties from a vending machine, I have a feeling I am going to see some strange stuff. I do know that if I see a sign for auditions, I am going to stay the fuck away from that. I've seen what happens with that. Takashi Miike has made me so paranoid of Japanese women; wait, Japanese people that I'm actually a little scared to talk to them. Plus Miike made a bunch of weird other movies. Damn, Japanese people are fucked up.

There will be a pale boy that meows like a cat somewhere:

There are ghosts haunting everything: We are going to be visiting some old temples. Guess what? They're haunted. We are going to Mt Fuji at some point too. Haunted! Museums? Haunted! The Denny's near my girlfriend's apartment? Haunted! THERE ARE FUCKING GHOSTS EVERYWHERE!

That's really all I know about Japan. I will of course be speaking all the Japanese I know to people over there. And by Japanese, I mean loud, slow English. It's gonna be interesting. I'll try to keep updating, but it will be even more infrequent than I do currently!


  1. Have a great time in Japan! How do you deal with your girlfriend being all the way over there and seeing her so infrequently?

  2. It really sucks a lot man. But we do okay with Skype and stuff like that. It's hard, but I love her, so it's worth (I hope).

  3. P.S. The real reason I signed in here was to say that I love the Godzilla side-by-side... FYI it is spelled "Gojira." I have only experienced small-scale hauntings... but I do pass a yazuka (Japanese Mafia) owned temple on my walk to work every morning. I think that is bad-ass!